| Friday 22nd August Oh We Took the High Road … It was deepest darkest midnight when Crystal Palace Band left the familiar sights and smells of Penge and set forth for the wild north. Those with foresight took pillows, others with a different idea of foresight took ‘refreshments’. Sleep came to the lucky, although the really lucky were the ones who were awake at 5am and watched the sunrise over the Lake District. We stopped for breakfast, for potty stops, and to enjoy views down Loch Lomond, before finally arriving at our destination just after noon – Fort William. The hotel, situated right at the base of Ben Nevis, was a perfect location to temporarily house a group of South Londoners, deprived of the tube, all-night kebab shops, and pollution. Once checked in, many immediately decided to take advantage of the facilities which were all available on the amazing inclusive deal which Roger Clements and Kiddles Coaches had arranged. The pool, sauna and Jacuzzi were filled with Crystal Palace members, though at 6pm many of the band were to be found in the bar. It was to the bar that most returned (including Basil, his accordion, and a cornet) after a fantastic dinner in the hotel restaurant, and took advantage of the other facilities included in the inclusive deal … |
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| Saturday 23rd August … Saturday morning saw our first concert of the tour at 11am in Cameron Square in the centre of Fort William. Though all players and groupies made it to the bus on time, for many this was thanks to the wonders of Irn-Bru (the best known cure for a hangover!). We found ourselves setting up on the steep incline facing down towards the main street, with an audience ready and waiting for our first notes. During the morning the audience were wowed by James and Georgia, wooed by Roger and Jeanie, and generally entertained by the band. For sheer entertainment, two particular incidents stand out clearly from the Saturday morning concert. At the beginning of the second half, the audience looked at conductor Mike Gray in bemusement as Mike looked at the band in bemusement … he thought he was conducting ‘The Great Escape’, but thanks to the wily cunning and arranging of librarian Richard Lovett the band was quite happily playing ‘The Celebrated Wee McG’. The award winning look on Mike’s face when he realised he had been duped was definitely one of the classics from the trip. |
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| Later on in the second half, the audience
was entertained by the astonishment,
not
only on Mike’s face, but on the faces
of
the entire band as the strains of bagpipes
flowed up the main street of Fort William.
The piping got closer and closer, and
was
clearly heading for Cameron Square
– it seemed
as though our pitch in the square was
in
jeopardy. We finished the piece we
were playing
and got ready to defend our honour,
our audience,
and if necessary, our homeland. Our
aggression
and terrifying stance got results,
and the
pipe band ran away in fear … alternatively
you could say that they simply marched
past
and never intended to stop anyway,
but the
band all knows which version we want
to believe
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| With the concert successfully completed and
no blood spilt, we returned to the
hotel
for lunch, before setting out for the
afternoon’s
festivities. With a few notable exceptions
(such as our soprano cornet player
Nigel
and his girlfriend Janine who seem
to have
an unhealthy obsession with exercise,
and
decided to climb Ben Nevis in two and
a half
hours!) the band got into the bus and
popped
up the road to the local whiskey distillery.
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| After greeting the Highland ‘Coo’ in the
field next to the distillery, we then had
an interesting and enjoyable tour. We learnt
about the distillation process before being
given a sample of the award winning whiskeys
produced at the distillery. Those who appreciated
good whiskey drank their free samples, any
others going spare, and stocked up on ‘The
Dew of Ben Nevis’ to take home! Eventually
all had had their fill, and we rolled back
onto the bus, and back to the hotel for the
evening’s entertainment.With some members of the band already slightly
full of whiskey, the sight of a bar full
of kilts proved that we truly were in the
heart of Scotland, and in for a traditional
evening! After another delicious meal we
found ourselves sharing the bar with a wedding
party in full swing, and it wasn’t long before
the two groups began to merge. |
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| Many female members of the band found themselves being dragged to dance by a very drunk, very persistent, very short and very beardy Scot in a blue polyester suit, although some managed to successfully refuse his advances! But it wasn’t long till the itchy feet got their way, and more and more members of the band found their way onto the dance floor, rapidly learning traditional Scottish dances such as the Gay Gordons, the Dashing White Sergeant, the Canadian Barn Dance, and how to Strip the Willow! The wedding party looked on in amusement as the very few members of the band who knew how to ceilidh shouted instructions to those with two left (and very English!) feet, but a fantastic time was had by all! |
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| Sunday 24th August Sunday morning saw yet more Irn-Bru being consumed by the party, and presumably by members of the wedding party too, some of whom (including the groom) were still in their kilts! But for those who could face it, we again got aboard the bus and travelled a few yards down the road before turning round and going back to the hotel. After collecting the 3 members of the band standing pathetically by the edge of the car park, we set off again, and soon reached our destination – Aonoch Mor – where we ascended half way up the mountain in a gondola to see the amazing views of Ben Nevis and the valley below. At a height of 660m the scenery both above and below was amazing, and the viewpoint was a peaceful and tranquil place to view it … well, it was peaceful and tranquil until half a South London Brass Band came along! High on fresh air and scenery, the band eventually made its way back down the mountain, and back to the hotel for lunch and the afternoon concert. |
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| In some ways, the afternoon concert in the
hotel grounds was a slight disappointment,
as we had been assured that there would be
hundreds of guests at the hotel. However,
the stunning weather conspired against us,
and we found ourselves playing to the few
friends, other halves and general groupies
of the band who had accompanied us on tour!
A few members of off duty hotel staff sat
outside enjoying the music and the midges,
but they were few and far between. However,
despite the small of audience and a very
green principal cornet player, the band played
a fantastic concert. Even the rapid disappearance
of said principal cornet player half way
through the second half failed to ruin the
performance, and the audience, such as it
was, thoroughly enjoyed themselves! (NB – at this point it must be stressed that in no way, shape or form was James Gordon suffering from a hangover when he had to leave the concert on Sunday afternoon; it was in fact the adverse effects of the insect repellent he swallowed by accident. Actually it wasn’t the insect repellent but a virus which struck him down mercilessly. Whatever, it had absolutely nothing to do with the quantities of alcohol he drank/spilt all over the bar the night before … honest) With the concert successfully completely, there remained little to do but have one last session in the Jacuzzi before heading to dinner and back to the bar. With a complete disregard for the long coach trip back in the morning, all members (bar one notable exception, who was trying to get rid of the taste of insect repellent/get over a virus) made the most of their last night in the bar, the free drink tickets, and even the Trivial Pursuits machine (hugely helped by the encyclopaedic mind of percussionist Adam Payne – is there nothing that lad doesn’t know?!)! For the amount consumed the night before, there was an impressive showing by CPB at breakfast the next morning. And with little time before leaving, those who could face the full cooked breakfast indulged themselves, stocking up for the return journey … but not everyone could face the food! Mid morning, and we bade farewell to Fort William, and set sail back to London. We passed the time on the journey by listening to Basil’s recording of Sunday’s concert, and stopping at Gretna Green for lunch, though unfortunately the waiting list was too long for any of us to get married! And the finale of the tour was the presentation of awards to those who had provided us with some of the memorable moments of the tour . We finally arrived back in Penge around midnight and returned to our various homes; tired, hungry, but happy, we went our separate ways, already thinking about where we would go, what we would do, and who we would see on next year’s tour … ! |
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